One Step Forward, Several Steps Back, 4.24.25

Something strange happened after my Advanced Yoga and Reiki Master training at the end of 2023. As I continued to teach yoga, it felt different to me. I was expecting to be more inspired than ever, but ended up just the opposite. I was questioning everything and didn't really know what or how to use the information and experience I had gained. The same thing happened when I got back into offering Reiki sessions. Before the advanced training, the Reiki I offered was a really powerful experience for me and the client. I actually felt the presence of and guidance from people who were not even in that room with me. It was one of the coolest things I had ever experienced. Then, after the training, nothing. I felt absolutely nothing during or after Reiki sessions. 

I was very disenchanted with all of it for a while. The floods in the studio acted as a sign that I needed to take a step back. I began some deep self-study and reflecting. This is what I discovered:

*I was burned out- I had been trying to build a community practice for 7 years, while working full time, and it never grew. I am, at heart, an introvert and a bit of a loner. Building a community meant having to promote myself, my work and the studio. It felt like I had to be a slave to social media in order to market myself and that didn't sit well with me. 

*I was over-analyzing every part of both practices, which used to feel very intuitive. After the training, it began to feel forced and limited. I expected stronger intuition and unlimited possibilities. 

 *Spiritual disillusionment- This is a hard one, because I don't want to offend anyone, but, honestly,  I began to feel really disconnected from the practices after I participated in a yoga festival over the summer.  Most everyone was very demonstrative in their expression of each practice and some of the classes I attended were way too over the top for me. I felt worse after them, instead of better. I realized I am definitely a quiet, practical yogi. The spiritual side of it feels best kept to myself- not on display.  Some people do and that is totally fine for them. For me, personally,  it feels inauthentic and forced. 

This is in no way an attack on advanced training of any sort. This was just my experience. I think being in a stage of transition in other parts of my life made me look at the whole experience through a different lense. Stepping back and bringing the more practical and personal aspects of yoga back to myself was, and is, the answer for me. 

I hope this explains my absence and the ever-evolving structure of my teaching presence. Eventually, I hope everything settles into place and we all end up where we belong. 

Be Good. Do Good.

~ Juli